Not just about Mental Health!!!!

Not just about Mental Health!!!!

Hey Everyone, hope this finds you all well. Well this blog is to share with you, not only my mental health, but also my physical health. I have had a condition called M.E. since the age of 15. A brief description of this condition is that causes extreme fatigue in all your muscles, and makes you want to sleep a lot! It can affect your joints quite a lot too.

So i am a member of the Burgh Castle Almanac group, and we all went on the Angles Way walk, which is 4.5 miles long. well for most this is a mission, but for someone with M.E., it can be very daunting and exhausting experience. But i am very happy to say, I did it !!! ok i’ve been resting every since, but the achievement of doing it was well worth it.

When i found out we were doing the walk, i dreaded it. The thought of walking that far made me feel anxious, and i wanted to pull out quite a few times, due to the fear of failing to complete it. But with encouragement, and a stern talking to myself, I did it, and best of all, as i have said earlier, I completed it. I think our biggest obstacle in life is ourselves. We talk ourselves out of so many good things, that we miss, what is, and can be a very uplifting experience, whatever level of fitness or mental capability we are. I think pushing ourselves to what we think is our limit, will surprise us all, when we realize, that that limit, is actually limitless!!!

So i have mentioned in a couple of blogs, what i get up to in the Burgh Castle Almanac group, well the update of what we have been up to is thus. We have had a small exhibition at the Great Yarmouth Time and Tide museum, which is well worth a visit if you have never been, where we displayed our artwork and items that we have found on our walks around Burgh Castle. Items such as pottery and an old coin. The coin was an old Roman coin with an inscription on which had been translated to say, ‘The return of Happy times’ The art work was made by using a pin hole camera, which gave great results and was very interesting to do. Other artwork included, a drawing and photos which we had taken and adapted through a app on the computer.

Once the exhibition was taken down, we were told that while it was up, the museum had had 2395 people through the door, looking at all the exhibits, including ours. This has made me feel very proud of our group, and all that we have achieved throughout the year.

I am having ups and downs with my mental and physical well being, but achieving something like all this, above, makes it easier to like myself just that little bit more. I can actually say now, i did that, and im dam well proud of what i’ve achieved.

I encourage you all to try something that you thought was un-achievable before, because i can guarantee, you will succeed and feel great about it. It doesn’t matter how many times you try to do something, its the not giving up and finally succeeding that counts.

I wish you all happy mental and physical health, and keep up the good work!!!



Living with mental health, covers a vast array of conditions. What does it mean to you I wonder, and what therapies have you tried?

There are many things you can try, with or without medication. As you may be aware, I am now involved with CBT, which I am finding very helpful. My partner has had counselling and EMDR, which, in her words, has cured her of her CPTSD. She would shout from the rooftops to anyone who would listen, how fantastic her counsellor was, and still is!

She also tells me that she finds it hard to understand, why others don’t try EMDR therapy. So its made me think. As we are all individuals, I believe not one specific therapy will or can, work on everyone.

We all have our own journey in life, and our own experiences, which makes us all brilliantly unique, so this, I think, can compact on how we heal and at what pace.

I know my partner has lived with her condition for over forty years, until she was cured, her words, but then was she now ready? It’s a bit like the chicken and the egg scenario, which came first, her ability to face her demons, or the right therapist? Her journey was quite complex, and it has taken her years to finally find peace, but that does not matter, as she has now got to where she was aiming for.

I know in the past she has had therapists who were no help to her at all, in fact she tells me, one therapist was crying when she was telling her her story. So her confidence in this particular therapist was shaken to the core, and she spent many many years, still looking for answers to help her with her mental health recovery.

I’m really happy for her recovery, and am proud of how far she has come. I look forward to my day of feeling happier with my life, and feel more hopeful that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. and not just some bloke lost with a torch searching for something himself.

The conversation with my partner, and now my CBT journey, has thrown up questions about therapy. Do you think they work? and if so, which ones would you be shouting about from the rooftops?

I think, as i have stated above, that this is a personal thing, and the therapy we find helps the best, might not be the best for the person who has similar conditions as we do. We will all be different in our journey, and we will deal with them accordingly. After all we are all a product of our upbringing and environment, coupled with the fact that we have different and complex personalities, so as you see, we are unique, interesting people, and thats fantastic, as life would be so boring if we were the same.

So don’t judge others, if they have not found the way to recover yet, its not a race to the finishing line. This has been made clear to me by my partner. She was judging someone who was constantly moaning about their own CPTSD, and she could not understand why they had not tried the therapy she had, and was cured of this crippling mental condition. But she now understands, through her own thoughts, that we are not ready when others think we are, that the final step is their choice to make.

I think the reason for this post is, hope. Hope that one day we can all come to terms with our mental health, and hope of a brighter future. If any of you have had experience of a therapy that has helped, or cured you, please feel free to share. I wish you all good mental health, and success on your journey.

Positivity verses negativity.

Positivity verses negativity.

Hey everyone, I hope you are all well and good today. I’m going to talk to you about my struggles of living with mental health, and my last two therapy sessions I have had, and how I think they are going, and how my therapist has challenged, me and I’m finding it hard.

I’ll give you example. My partner could ask me to make her a drink, so I’ll go put the kettle on and start making a coffee, but in fact she has asked for a latte, so then I will call myself an idiot, and a thick c@@t. Sorry for the bad language. This makes me feel bad, but also makes me feel useless, as I feel I can’t get a simple task right. My therapist has now told me to say something different when this happens. I need to say to myself what’s the worst that can happen. And she’s right, what is the worst that can happen. My partner moans, which she don’t. So I’m beating myself up for no reason, So, Ive started to spend a lot of time saying to myself, what is the worst that can happen?

Another one of The things I struggle with is, when I’m in a group setting and everyone is talking, I tend not to say anything, because I’m worried that because I don’t understand what the conversations on about most of the time, I will just nod and laugh while watching others reactions to what’s being said. I shouldn’t feel like this but I just don’t feel comfortable to say anything to the group. It’s a feeling of being seen as stupid, which makes me uncomfortable and reluctant to join in.

Also when I get asked to try new things, for example, the project I’m involved in at Burgh Castle. We have an artist come in to show us arts and crafts. This subject is not top on my to try list, but I will give it a go. But then the negative thoughts and voices comes flooding through, telling me I’m no good, I can’t do this, I’m useless, and it makes me mad with myself. I huff and puff and try my best, and I finally achieve something resembling what we have been shown, but I do it, I complete it, I succeed. When I finish, I sit back and can now say, “up yours thoughts and voices telling me I can’t.”

So it’s been just over month now that I’ve started with a new therapist from the local mental health team. I was so nervous about starting. My first session came up, and we talked about how I feel when making mistakes. We also talked about what do I want from the therapy, and I replied that I wanted her to help me with my anxiety, and to help me stop beating myself up verbally all the time.

Second session was harder for me. It was hard because we talked about how much pride or belief I have in myself, and how I don’t hold myself in high regard. I have a low opinion of myself, so my therapist challenged me to say something nice to myself each morning. So it’s now day four, and I’ve got my Facebook page and twitter followers involved with it, and I’m really surprised of how it makes you feel better about yourself, when your not constantly putting yourself down for no reason reading others positive thought helps loads too, so a quick thank you to all who have sent positive words.

Thinking positive can have a huge effect on your mental health, so I’m trying to turn a negative thought into a positive one from now on, try it and see how much more positive you will feel doing just this one simple trick.

I know some days are worse than others, but even those days can be made into positives.

Keep well, think great thoughts, and let me know how your doing. Because I’m doing great!!!

Another visit to Burgh Castle.

So on the 19th February we where again at Burgh Castle for another group session, where we take our fixed points photos, and we had Ian the artist with us and Tim the stone guy.

There was a small group of, and we met at the village hall. After all the introductions and a catch up of everything, we then gathered closer to Tim’s computer he had set up. Well, I was expecting this power point demonstration to be boring, as we were talking about stones.

I can say I was pleasantly surprised how un-boring it was, as he passed some stones around the group. It was interesting to me how old they could be, and how far they had come, and I didn’t realise how many different stones there were out there.

After the talk, we then went for our walk around Burgh Castle. we then took the fixed points photographs. We found out about how long it took them to build the church and what a wide range of stone that was used in there wall.

We then carried walking around Burgh Castles fort. It was windy, but when you got in the sun it was lovely and warm. I really enjoyed seeing the site so busy, because it was half term and families were out together walking there dogs.

We then went over to what I call our winter spot, where the wind isn’t to bad. We started making things with clay. I’m not an arty person but it was really nice and relaxing doing this, then went down buy the river, which is one of my favourite thinking spots listening to the reeds and the running water.

We then took part in our mindfulness walk, and this is another of my favourite part of Burgh Castle, where you can just take the time to be silent and listen to wildlife, the river, nature sounds and the motors of the odd boat that goes by.

So a small lesson I learned about this day, don’t alway judge something before you start doing it, because you never know when your going to learn something new and actually enjoy the experience.

Thanks for reading, take care, be safe, and try something new each week, you never know, you just might like it!

My journey to my Diagnosis.

My journey to my Diagnosis.

Hi everyone I would like to talk to about how I learned how to deal with my mental health diagnosis, and how I went from using it as an excuse, then learning to not use it as a label above my head, and let the diagnosis take over my life.

I was first diagnosed in 2006, but was not told about it. It was by chance I saw a doctor in 2011, who mentioned my diagnosis, which came as a bit of a surprise to me at the time. I had been through a rough time in 2006 with my mother, who had me arrested due to my threatening to kill myself again, and in the process, threatening her. Once arrested, I was asked if I had any mental issues. I had in that week been told I had a mild form of schizophrenia , which I told the police. They went to check it out and came back to me, to inform me I was lying. I told them to ask my mother, even though she was the one pressing charges, but I knew she would confirm what I was saying as she was with me when I was told. Thankfully, she confirmed it.

This really confused me, but for the time being, I just used it as an excuse for they way I was and the way I was acting. I didn’t feel that I could trust a professional again for the next 13 years. I mentioned earlier a doctor told me my diagnosis in a routine appointment. She informed me I did not have schizophrenia, I was actually diagnosed with personality disorder. She gave me antidepressants and off I went. At this time I was with my partner, who does not take any rubbish off anyone, particularly me. So I kept most of my thoughts and visions to myself, due to fear of her reaction. I later found out it would not of made any difference to her at all.

Then in 2017, I had a psychotic episode. This is the worst I had ever been. My partner rushed me to an out of hours doctor, who I had seen years ago, and I did not trust, due to his dismissive attitude then. But thankfully, my partner talked to him, and explained everything. I was shocked he actually listened. I felt like someone was actually listening to me. Although I was still going through the psychotic episode, I felt like I was getting somewhere. This then led to me going to my local mental health centre and being assessed by the psychiatrist. He confirmed my personality disorder but gave me the full diagnosis. Emotional unstable personality disorder, with psychotic episodes and compulsive components. Quite a mouthful, but at least I knew what I was dealing with. This was also a period when I found out who my true friends were. I was accused of ‘putting it on’ and not being believed. This attitude compounded how I felt about myself.

Through the mental health centre, I was sent to a place called, recovery college. This isn’t a normal college, it’s just the name they give it. But this was my saviour. one of the courses they put me on, thaught me that I shouldn’t live as my illness I should live as me. This was hard to accept at first, but once I could get my head round what they where saying, and I put it in to practice, I did notice the difference, and so did my family and friends.

I have tried various medications, anti psychotic and anti depressants, and after over a year of changing them, I seem to be in a better place now. Being diagnosed has made a huge difference to me, as most of my life, I thought no one was listening and I was on my own. I know it took years for me to get the help, but I got the help I needed before it was too late. I’m not happy I have this, I’ve been told I’ve always had it, and it will always be there, but at least I am managing it better, and living my life to the best of my ability. I want to help others who are struggling, I want them to know they are not alone, and people will listen. If I can help just one person, then I’m happy.

Thank you for taking a look at this blog any questions just ask away.

Road To Recovery

Road To Recovery

Hi everyone todays blog I’m going to talk to you about how I started my road to recovery and what I’ve learned through this journey of recovery.

When I became ill in 2017 I had to wait to get an appointment to see some one form the local mental health team. After I had this appointment I got put in to something called the recovery information centre which is able to get you some more support and help while waiting to see a psychiatrist. I had this thing pointed out to me called recovery college, I was like really do I want to be doing something like this again and and still feel low afterwards. Well I had a meeting a few weeks later to discuss recovery college with two of the main tutors there. They came across so well and polite and quite enthusiastic towards me, which for was a plus as I saw they had the passion for recovery college.

So they explain to me what recovery college is about and that there are different sessions on all topics surrounding recovery. They explained that it was group work, which I was a bit worried about at first, but they then proceeded to tell me that when you pass and participate in the work, which they do not force you to do it but encourage you to do your best, it gives you new tools to help you with your struggles. I went away still not feeling sure about it but knew I needed to give it ago, which was better than sitting at home in the gloom of despair.

I went away and had long hard think about this, then I filled out the emrollment paper and sent in to the offfice and waited to hear back form them. This was a big step for me, as when I was younger I didn’t want to get the help, as I thought they couldn’t help a hopeless case like me, but now I did. I didn’t want to feel the outsider to the world, I wanted to participate. A few weeks later I got a letter confirming my dates and times for the courses I had signed up for. I thought shit this is starting to get real now. The week went by quickly and I started my first course called wellness planning, which was a six week course. I got to the place and all I wanted to do was turn round and walk away, because in my head I couldn’t get how any of this was going to help at all how big the group was going to be, where are the exit points ……all this was going through my head, and my voices were compounding the feelings I had, telling me I was useless, it won’t work, what’s the point. I was finding it really hard to keep my shit together I can tell you.

But I pulled it together and ventured in. I almost gave a sigh of relief as I saw there wasn’t many people in there. I got really nice welcome form both the tutors and some of the other members of the group. This started to relax me a little and I took my seat. The session started and it was nice an relaxed. The group didn’t really talk much in our first week, but as the weeks went by, we all seemed to open up, which for me, was a relegation. I didn’t feel judged and was comforting to know that other people where going through similar stuff to me, after all those years, I saw wasn’t the only one.

Moving on to the next session, was ‘what is psychosis’ this was just a one session teaching, and the room was quite packed. But what made me feel relaxed was, I knew some of the professionals who where also taking part in the session. This made me feel like I was in a safe place. The tutor for this session showed a clip of how the voices are for him. This clip for me was invaluable, knowing that he had come so far, even though he has these things happening to him. But with the help he had had, he is now helping others like himself, which is what I would like to do.

All these tools I got, just form the first two courses, where brilliant. My wellness plan, that I got form my first course, is like my bible, I’ve used the tools so much now, it’s stuck in my head. This helps, as I don’t have to keep referring to it constantly, only if I want to change or add something new to it.

I then took part in a safety planning session. I found this the hardest one so far, as it was just not one session, it was three, and we had a week between them. I found it hard, talking about some difficult times, but once I had completed the third session, I understood it better, and realised you couldn’t do this topic in just one session.

My next course was called Goal setting. Thankfully only one session. This was a nice relaxed course, and I found out I was setting myself too bigger goals, when I should have been doing one step at a time. I can’t stress enough that taking one step at time has done me the world of good.

I still have more courses I want to participate in on recovery college, and move forward with my recovery. I have been on the tutor training aswell, but once I’m ready and in a place I need to be, I will go back full steam ahead, so that my experience can help other, like me. Recovery college has given me my life back.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone that has helped me on my recovery journey, especially all the tutors and admins teams.

2019 A Positive Start

Hey everyone I hope your all well today I’m going to talk to you about positive things and my plans for the new year.

I hope you’ve all had a good Christmas and and have a fantastic new year. This year I’m setting myself a target of speaking at 5 events on mental health and all topics around it. I’m also looking at being involved with more projects to help others with there struggle in around mental health. I’m also going to be doing two blogs a month.

I’m really looking forward to be getting out there next year. I’m currently doing well in myself and and want to learn new things on how I can help my self be better at what I want to do with my self so then I can help other people get through their struggle.

I’m currently waiting to be seen by a therapy team and I was wondering wether they had forgot me or I wasn’t on the list. But after an appointment this month, i found I am on the list and I am just waiting for an appointment to be sent out to me. So I’ve got that to look forward, to which will help me move forward in my recovery journey and keeping on track.

I have a saying I say to myself everyday, it’s not going to beat me I’m going to beat it. This came to me when i was on a recovery college course and I was struggling. It helps me a lot saying this. I’m also saying nice things to myself each day to stop the negative stuff beat me up and weigh me down.

I am also going to accept the praise that people give me. Accept it and believe it and be proud of what I’m being praised for.

I think we all need to be proud of ourselves for being where we are now. If we look back and see how we were, say two years ago, would we have ever thought we would be where we are now. I know I would have never have thought I would be where I am now, or doing half the things I do now. For that, I am very proud of myself, to see the person I am becoming, go me!

Bad times don’t last forever, not when we realise how strong we really are, and that we have the power to change things for the better, and actually be happy in our life.

I wish you all, that the best times of last year, will seem like the bad times of this year, so even a better year ahead for you all. Believe in yourselves, because your bloody worth it!!

Thank you for reading any questions please just ask away.

Surviving my Christmas

So I’m going to talk to about the Christmas coming up, how I feel about Christmas and how I cope with the festivities alongside my mental health.

As a child I think I had good Christmas times. I don’t remember having a bad one but when I started to grow up and my sister didn’t believe in Father Christmas anymore I lost interest in Christmas as the fun of it had gone. Getting older I started to notice that I didn’t feel comfortable in groups even within my family but I didn’t want to speak about it. I felt stupid, awkward and didn’t want to ruin Christmas for everyone else. This continued throughout my life.

I wonder do I look back in anger or disgust at myself that I didn’t open up to my family so I could feel more at ease? Do I feel like I have missed out on Christmas with family? I don’t think I have but I wished I could of felt more at ease in those family get-togethers.

Now it’s 2018. I still struggle with my mental health but I have a better grip on it now. I can actually say I am looking forward to Christmas this year. Me and my partner have done all the Christmas shopping and it’s wrapped. I found it hard with my partner to stop buying things as there is just loads out there we could get for everyone. I’m looking forward to seeing family, having dinner and just looking at how far everyone has come this year.

If you’re struggling with anything over Christmas please don’t forget there is the Samaritans you can call on 116 123 they are always open and will firstly listen to you and talk if you want.

I hope you enjoy this blog and I just want to take this time to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. 🥳

Giving something back

Hey everyone it’s been a long time but I just had to take some ‘me time’ and get myself back on the right track. Now I’m going to write about this new project I’m involved in with Access Community Trust.

I was just looking through Twitter and Facebook when saw this picture. I knew the person standing in the picture was a bloke I knew from helping us get to Burgh Castle while our main man Tod was on his fellowship in the USA. The following Tuesday I asked Gary more about the article as I’m not very good at reading. I asked Gary what the project was and he told me it was to do with the war commissioned graves. They need some graves looking after over a few sites we attend across Suffolk and Norfolk with some church yards just having one grave to some having two two or more. The aim is to make them look presentable again, cutting the grass, cleaning the headstone and taking some time to reflect on what the headstone is telling us to just try to think about their story. This got me interested and I said to Gary that I would like to take part in this as it feels like I’m giving some back to them for what they gave to us.

The next Thursday came round and I was full of nerves about going. I texted Gary early that morning and said I couldn’t make it due to not feeling great. I did have a little cold which shouldn’t of stopped me from going but I was so nervous about meeting new people and and to new places I’d never been before so … Anyway I was annoyed at myself for not going to this but he replied and made arrangements to text me the following week about going. This was a good plan for me as it gave me a week to get myself calm and ready to go.

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pic above of the team 

The next Wednesday Gary texted to see if I was ok to attend on Thursday and I was. I was really looking forward to it though I still had some nerves about meeting new people and the new places we would be going to. Thursday morning Gary picked me up and and there where 3 other people in the van. We said our hellos and I was made to feel so welcome. They quickly told me we had some treats on the van that we could munch on which sounded a great idea! Gary also mentioned we should be meeting up with Chris who was the man in charge of looking after the war graves in this area. I was even more nervous then as the others had been doing this for a couple of weeks and it was my first time. We got to our first grave and met Chris. I suddenly calmed down as he was so thankful for what we were going to do and and what had been done previously. I started on strimming the area around a grave and making it look tidier. Once I’d stopped strimming one of the other volunteers had noticed that that there was some writing on the wall around the grave. We were chuffed that we had found this so we called everyone else over to see it. After this we went to another church yard where we met another two individuals who were looking after the church yard and trying to keep church grounds in a good order. The church was all fenced off and is now just ruins and it made you think was it a popular church when it was in working order and how many people had walked through these grounds.

So I just want to say thank you for letting me be part of this project. I can’t wait to look after more graves. It’s great getting out and talking to new people. It’s building my connection with the outside again as I was becoming a bit of a hermit again.

So I just want to say thank you for all you gave to us and this is my way of paying my respect.


“They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.”


Voices in my head:

Voices in my head:

I’m going to talk about the voices in my head that talk I can remember hearing from about the age of 12. I thought they were calling my name. I would be sitting in another room to where my mum and sister would be, maybe not even on the same floor, doing something and then I’d hear someone say ‘John’. Thinking it was my sister or mum, I would wait to see if they called me again, before going to see what they wanted. I would then hear it in quick session ‘John John John’ so I would stop what I was doing and then shout down or go down to where my mum and sister were and say yeah what do you want, they would say “nothing” so I would go back upstairs.

It wasn’t until my later years as a teenager that I started to have more then one voice going on in my head, but I didn’t want to tell anyone as I thought they would laugh at me and not take me seriously, so I kept it to myself which was probably the worst thing I could of ever done as I didn’t get the help with how to deal with them. I thought I’d take you through each voice one by one .

So the first voice I have already talked a little a bit about it can sound really close up and then at times it can be really distant. It can happen at any time of day or night, which is sometimes confusing when you’re in a place full of people.

The second is a male voice saying “help me” in a deep voice but it can also be a high pitched voice. This voice has me wondering whether it is saying that I need to help my inner child.

The third is a female and male voice together. I can’t make out what they’re saying. It’s like they’re bickering at each other or arguing. It’s also quite distant, apart from when I’m struggling or stressing. Then its really close up but I still can’t make out what they are saying.

The fourth is a lady who tells me that I’m no good, that I’m rubbish at things. While I’m writing this out, in my head she is telling me that this isn’t going to be good, so why bother?

The fifth is a male voice but like the female voice, he also tells me that I’m no good nobody wants me here and that I should be by myself. I should cause harm to myself so that I’m not a burden to anyone else.

Voice six is male that laughs at me when I feel nervous and scared. I feel that it takes the micky out of me so I quite like this voice.

I often get asked would you want to be without the voices in your head and I say no. They’re a part of me and although sometimes they scare me, I don’t think I could cope without them having known them all these years.

Around 1 in 10 people hear voices. These could be bad experiences or they could be good experiences with hearing voices.

Voices in someone’s head does not mean they are schizophrenic. Understanding more about mental health can help you understand things that people say or do. Research what a diagnosis means, learn and understand more about it and this will take away the fear of mental health challenges.